


Would it Matter

by frostautumn



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 23:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10774911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostautumn/pseuds/frostautumn
Summary: “Yeah.. I think I get what you mean. Thanks”“No problem… are you okay, though? Did something happen?”“Nah, I was just lost in thought for a little while there. Love you”“If you say so… love you too”Why? Why hadn’t he pushed Lance further into giving him a clear answer? Why had he just assumed that nothing was wrong, when he already knew that so, so many things were?





	Would it Matter

**Author's Note:**

> Aka I don't know how to write happy things. Someone stop me from hurting these precious boys any further

Panic. Fear. Uncontrollable despair and nausea. Those were the types of feelings coursing through Keith’s veins as he almost clumsily hurried down the hospital’s clean, white corridors. He couldn’t care less what he might knock down or smash into as he made his way towards a particular department, the only thing he knew for certain in that very moment was that he needed to get to Lance. He had to be okay. He had to. As he made a sharp turn to the left, desperately hoping he was headed in the right direction, he couldn’t help but think back at the text conversation the two had had a mere day earlier. 

 

_ “Hey Keith, if I went away for a little while, how would you feel about that?” _

_ “In what context, and where did that even come from?” _

_ “Just hypothetical. If I went somewhere and left you behind, would you miss me?” _

_ “Of course I would, who do you take me for. But if you mean away as in if you went abroad for a while, then yeah I’d miss you. Terribly. But I mean, if you wanna go to Brazil for six months or whatever it is that you have in mind then I’m not about to stop you” _

_ “Yeah.. I think I get what you mean. Thanks” _

_ “No problem… are you okay, though? Did something happen?” _

_ “Nah, I was just lost in thought for a little while there. Love you” _

_ “If you say so… love you too” _

 

Why? Why hadn’t he pushed Lance further into giving him a clear answer? Why had he just assumed that nothing was wrong, when he already knew that so, so many things were? 

“Why?” he let the question slip out of his mouth, barely even a whisper, more an exhale than anything. Eyes still wide from shock, Keith let his gaze follow the numbers on the doors along the corridor he finally found himself in. 364, 365, 366, 367… his walk turned into an abrupt halt as he was a mere step away from room number 368. It wasn’t until then that he took a moment to feel himself shake. What if… What if Lance was… shaking his head firmly, he sighed. There was no way. He was going to be okay. There was no other option. With a last deep breath, the dark haired teenager finally took the final few steps, letting his gaze fall upon the room the nurse downstairs had told him to go to. Inhaling sharply, he stopped dead in his tracks. In the all too generic, somewhat dimly lit hospital room, in the simple hospital bed, Lance was lying down, his body relaxed. For a second Keith almost believed him to be dead. A bag of some sort of fluid that he assumed was a form of painkiller was connected to his right arm, and the tall, lanky boy was facing the other side of the room. Keith was almost hesitant to go inside, in case he was asleep, but the urge to know that his boyfriend was alright was simply too great. With shaky and nervous, yet determined steps, he walked into the room. He wanted to say something. He needed to say something. But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. 

“How did they get a hold of you?” Keith almost jumped at the sound of the sudden coarse, weary voice. Lance was still facing the opposite side of the room, stubbornly only allowing Keith to see his auburn brown messy hair. It took a fair few seconds before Keith was able to actually speak up, voice numb,

“I was in your emergency contacts.” 

“Right.” the only word that accurately described Lance’s voice in that moment was weak. No wonder. 

“What the fuck were you thinking, Lance? What the fuck could you possibly have thought that justified something like this?” Biting his tongue in a desperate attempt to keep the tears from violently spilling over, Keith inhaled sharply as his boyfriend finally turned his head. A pair of numb, yet almost overly emotional blue eyes met his dark ones, and he was far too close to simply fall down on his knees right there and then.

“What-- why? Just give me that, at least. Why? Talk to me. Please.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Lance’s gaze had been lowered to the cold, stone floor as he spoke, sending a sudden feeling of frustration through Keith’s spine. 

“What the hell do you mean there’s nothing to talk about? Lance, you-- for fucks sake Lance, you tried to fucking kill yourself! So don’t you dare say that there’s nothing to talk about. Don’t you fucking dare.”

At the sound of Keith’s genuinely heartbroken, desperate voice, Lance decided to actually pluck up the courage and look his beloved boyfriend in the eye. 

“I’m sorry, I--- I just… I can’t…” 

“You can’t what?”

“I didn’t think it would matter.” the last sentence was naught but a whisper, barely even loud enough for Lance to hear it himself. He had hoped to God that Keith wouldn’t hear it, but the response he got drove him to the brink of tears,

“Wouldn’t matter? Wouldn’t-- Lance, I had to hear all of this from your sister! I had to hear it from your sister because your mother was too heartbroken and in so much pain and panicking far too much to even speak a single word to her own family! Do you even realize what you could’ve caused if you had… You know what. No. I’m not even gonna go there. There is no reality where you get to succeed with this. None.” 

Breathing heavily, Keith realized after a minute’s silence that the door leading to the room was in fact, still open. Frowning, he surprisingly calmly closed the door, before heading over to the uncomfortable wooden chair placed next to Lance’s bed. Sitting down on it, he could feel an uneasy feeling creeping up on him. 

“Lance, please… talk to me. Please. I know all you want right now is to not talk about it, but… I’m begging you to at least try to open up a little bit.” he was almost surprised himself over how soft his voice had suddenly turned. Looking at the tanned boy in front of him with no intention of looking away anytime soon, he tried his best to stay calm. He had to try, for Lance’s sake. The last thing he needed right now was someone shouting at him. 

“I’m sorry, Keith, I just… I tried. I did. But… in the end I couldn’t even think of a reason not to do it. I don’t…” stopping himself from completing his sentence, he sighed, closing his eyes, “How am I supposed to even articulate this, I can’t-- I’m sorry.” 

Almost subconsciously, Keith reached out and grabbed a hold of Lance’s hand, holding it in his own as though it was the only thing protecting the pair of them from all the evil in the world. 

“Lance, I… I don’t know how yet, but we’re going to help you get through this. Okay? You’re gonna fight it, and you’re gonna win. You have to. You don’t have a choice in that matter.” 

Lowering his head, Lance sighed heavily, tightening his hold of Keith’s hand. Just a little bit, as though it helped him realize that he was actually there, talking to him. Reassuring him. Helping him. Trying to, at least. 

“Keith… I’m--” 

“I know. And I’m sorry. I wasn’t there for you as much as I should’ve been.”

“You were, though--”

“I should’ve known what you were talking about back then. I know how you feel about yourself. I should’ve known better.” 

“Keith, stop it. Please. You’re a better friend and a better boyfriend than I could’ve ever wished for. Never doubt that.” 

Exhaling, Keith stood up slightly, bending over until his lips touched Lance’s forehead, still fighting off the tears that threatened to pour down his cheeks. 

“And you’re a better person than you realize. You make people smile, and you make them want to believe in something good. You make me want to regain my faith in humanity. You never doubt what an amazing person you truly are, Lance.” 

Keith had never been good with words, nor had he felt the urge to actually be good with them. But now, he felt that he needed to verbally express how much Lance truly meant to him. All the good memories they shared, the plans they had made, the emotions he made him feel, all of it. Lance had managed to change his life in a subtle, yet so very sincere and direct way. And he loved all of it. 

“Thank you.” 


End file.
